Trailer Trash

You know all those mattresses you see strewn along the highways and byways of this great country...well they all fell off the back of someone’s trailer. Mostly, you just see them lying damp, stangely folded and forlorn on the hard shoulder, taking their secrets to the grave with them and with a bit of luck you won’t have to do much swerving.

After years of noting all these mattresses, and in lieu of actually seeing how they got there, I used to think they were discarded by UFOs until the day a mattress actually flew off a trailer in front of me, cartwheeling past my shoulder causing a certain amount of panic from not just me, but from everyone behind.

Another time, riding the Sonoran desert in the USA, a haybale fell off a Ute indian’s ute and I missed it by a short stalk.

Cuppa has never shut-up about the dinghy that came loose from a trailer and nearly took her head off, and another mate was forced to jump a bag of concrete at Allambie. It wasn’t pure Chad Reed, he confessed, but he managed to keep the bike on its wheels.

There’s a theme here.

Since the decline of the Boy Scouts, the art of knot tying has died. Tie-died, in fact. No-one knows how to secure a load. Where do you think the expression “it fell off the back of a lorry” came from?

So the moral is, when you’re out on the road never, ever, as God is your witness, follow along behind a trailer loaded with moving stuff tied down with slippery washing line rope by people who were irritated and exhausted at the time they did it. “She’ll be right, let’s go..” you can hear it can’t you.

Hanging back is not an option, since from the previous stories most stuff that falls off bounces up and over. You might be hanging back just enough to cop the finish of the bounce.

So if you see a trailer ahead, get past it as quickly as you can. And if you see the sofa inching its way off the back give the driver a signal so some other poor biker doesn’t end up sitting down someplace they did not intend.

It’s an old song, but Bob Ferguson sings it like a bird!

Hello Bear,
This has to be the greatest motorcycle mag ever and I read it from cover to cover and back again except for certain things in 'Readers Rite'. I started to dislike certain trends I was witnessing, especially in the columns given over to the readers in which they can put their 'two bobs worth in!' Usually as soon as I realise what the writer is going on about and it's just a whining whinge I usually skip the letter and go on to the next one. The thing that prompted me to write was the letter by 'Pete' of West Pennant Hills NSW. In it he complains about a lady rider, who in my mind handles to the overtaking of road trains in a very appropriate manner - lets face it, these things are an abomination in themselves. The way she overtakes is infinitely better than hanging around on the wrong side of the road sat on a few kays more than the speed of the truck she is overtaking. My advice is if you decide to overtake then give it everything you've got and get it over with as quickly as possible then get back on your own side of the road and slow down (If the truck you have just overtaken allows you to!) All in all, good advice I say.

Where do these whingers come from? I suppose he whinges and 'tut tuts!' whenever he sees a motorcyclist dressed inappropriately too, eg the shorts and thongs brigade. Which brings me to the point of the letter. Whilst on a trip (last October) I was busy parking my trusty stead on Glebe point road, a young and rather gorgeous young lady pulled in besides me on her scooter.(I didn't know angels rode scooters! but there you go!). Just as she began to manoeuvre her scooter next to me an old fart of a Ulyssian pulled up in front of her and began berating the young woman for being dressed, or rather undressed, the way she was. He was the 'pseudo bikie type', you know all leathers and badges, on his Japanese Hardley a Davidson. I suppose he had to shout to be heard over the din coming from the exhaust pipes. The profanities were obscene and he told her in no uncertain terms that it was people like her that were giving motorcyclists a bad name. He then proceeded to ride off.

The poor girl looked bemused and asked me what was that all about. I tried to explain that there is a bit of a debate going on in riding circles about people riding dressed inappropriately, and she was just in the wrong place at the wrong time.

I was, until recently a member of Ulysses, and I decided not to remain a member because of the attitude of some of the membership. The types who big note themselves about what you should wear and even put you down for the machine you ride. It's fun for the first five minutes but it gets tiresome when it happens all the time. Now I ride alone or just with a few friends; who have also become cheesed off with the pompous self righteous few who seem to gain kudos by spoiling it for the many who happen to believe in live and let live. You all know who I mean don't you!

It is tragic that anyone has to suffer a gravel rash tattoo. But they know the risks. They don't need anyone spoiling their day by having their opinions forced down their throats ad infinitum. Being a motorcyclist, live and let live should be well imbued in our psych. The old fart of a 'wanna be if he could be' did not endear himself to the young squid, and I doubt if she would ever join Ulysses - should she make it that far in 20 years. (She cracked up when I explained what is meant by a squid). I just wish motorcyclists could chill out and enjoy the sport they have without forcing their opinions and self righteous bullshit down other peoples throats.

Bob, UPPER Orara NSW

Hi, Bob, and thank you for your e-mail.
Yeah, how you overtake a road train is a bit of a personal choice, isn’t it. Anyway, I hope you liked my response. That dog story has been useful. I’ve even used it with a CHiPS officer who pulled me over for speeding. He let me off, although he did warn me not to expect it to work a second time!

Now, I think I may actually have to take some responsibility for what this old bloke in Glebe did – I’ve been advising people that, instead of writing to me and complaining, they should offer advice to anyone they see “underdressed” who doesn’t seem aware of the danger.
I did mean for them to do it politely and appropriately, though… some people don’t seem to know the difference between “righteous” and “self-righteous”.

I’m going to put your note on our website. I think it will gather a few comments.

As for Ulysses, it’s a broad church. With some 27,000 members there will be all kinds – maybe you should give them another chance, with a different group?

Best regards,

The Bear

Peter “The Bear” Thoeming

Should bicycles be registered – and should riders need a licence?

What do you think of this press release Ive just received?

The Independent Riders' Group (IRG) supports the Victorian Employers' Chamber of Commerce & Industry's (VECCI) call for road bicycles to be registered. The technology exists. If vehicles that do less environmental damage should pay less then the cost to riders should be minimal. All other road vehicles must be registered for ID purposes and have third party insurance.

Bicycle registration will improve safety and law enforcement while reducing theft.

Pushbike riders who ride on-road should have a car or motorcycle licence to ensure a minimum level of skill and knowledge of road law. If a bicyclist does not have a vehicle licence they should do a course similar to a motorcycle or scooter training course.

Spokesman for the IRG, Damien Codognotto OAM, said. "We don't think registering bicycles will make bicycling less popular. Motorcycle & scooter riders have had onerous restrictions and unfair taxes increased over the last decade and our numbers have doubled. Registered bicycles would still deliver a health benefit to the community. The question is the cost to the rider. It should reflect their role."

Most motorcycle & scooter riders in Victoria have to pay the Transport Accident Commission $58 a year tax on top of all other road charges. There are over 150,000 road-registered, powered two-wheelers in this state. Many riders pay more to keep their bikes on the road than owners of huge 4WDs pay to keep their cars in traffic. The situation is clearly unfair and bad for both our environment and for bike safety since lower income earners cut costs to commute by bike.

Bicycle Victoria (BV) argues that most cyclists already pay car registration. That argument is as sensible and valid for motorcycle & scooter riders as it is for bicyclists. The IRG supports the Australian Motorcycle Council's (AMC)call for road charges and taxes to reflect the benefits to society of our transport choice. Two wheelers reduce pollution, ease traffic congestion, free up parking space and don't damage infrastructure.

Safety is an issue. Bicyclists tend to wear less protective gear than motorcycle & scooter riders. Casualty crashes involving two-wheelers are mostly caused by car driver error. But, in the last five years motorcycle & scooter casualty crashes have dropped 25%. On-road motorcycle & scooter riding has never been safer. Bicycle casualty crashes have increased.

The Victorian Auditor General (03 8601 7000), D D R Pearson, will conduct an audit of motorcycle safety in 2010/2011. The IRG will ask that he compare on-road powered two-wheelers with on-road bicycles to put the negatives and positives of all single tracked vehicles in traffic into perspective.

I’d be very interested in your comments on this one! It’s obviously highly contentious – does it have merit?

Peter “The Bear” Thoeming