Yesterday, I saw a travelling kitchen. Well, not really. It was a brand new BMW done up exactly like my rich friend’s Smeg kitchen. Matt grey tank, muted brushed aluminium, a few shiny chrome bits, a vast expanse of muted grey toned fairing ... I was expecting to find a bank of temperature control knobs if I looked hard enough. The bike’s styling was deliberately and definitely “Kitchens Today”...but, oh no, the rider continued the horrid contemporary theme. Matt grey helmet, muted grey jacket with darker grey bits, grey and darker grey gloves...it was a look that made me shudder. Bikes and riders are going yuppie kitchen!

We already have the trend whereby designers are doing their very best to make motorcycles look like cars. Witness, just as an example, the latest Honda VFR 1200 R – even if it is loaded with tasty engineering miracles, it couldn’t look more car-like if it tried. Integrated LED blinkers, clean frontal profile, great slab sides, a v-shaped chrome strip that is also used on Honda’s scooters. And it is huge! It’s called “stately presence” and it makes me sick. To name just a few, BMW, Yamaha and the aforementioned Honda sports tourers are looking more like cars and kitchens with every incarnation. I would not be surprised to see Honda unveil a four-wheeled bike one day complete with take-along cooker and polished wooden floorboards.

Okay, we know the motorcycle industry is still apologising for all the fun us oldies had on bikes when we were wearing fringes, doing the ton and being antisocial on bitsas. And we do applaud the leaps forward that mean we are less likely to be stranded on a lonely road somewhere courtesy of dodgy electrics from Joe Lucas, Prince of Darkness. Modern brakes are sensational. Suspension is incredible, and you have the majority rule of opening the garage door in the morning and not discovering a slippery oil puddle that oozed from your beloved’s give-or-take-a-half-inch machining and seals. We are totally grateful for all that. It’s keeping us safer and ramping up the ride enjoyment level. Today’s bikes can make you a better, higher skilled rider.

It is obvious that by producing handsome, limousine motorcycles as opposed to soul-stirring bikes, the mainstream manufacturers are trying to rope in the yuppies who are driven by the same thing that makes them buy BMW and Mercedes cars. Status. I suspect the designers working on bikes are on secondment from the car branch. Why else would all the onboard electronic gadget plugs and airbags be getting a second look?
I think some manufacturers are trying to sell our souls here.

I’m not suggesting a return to the horrid “someone’s thrown three cans of paint” colour schemes of the 80s, where riders looked like travelling roman candles. Simplicity has always been king. There’s nothing like a beautiful, fire engine red or glossy black bike with its engine on show in all its raw glory to make your pulse throb. Why else would there have been such a swing to naked bikes? To Italian exotica? Why else do you see customised to the enth-degree Harleys and Bruiser Cruisers everywhere?

It’s because the soul of the biker is in the soul of the engine, in the curves of the tank, the shape of the gearbox, in lashings of chrome on headers and mournful sounding pipes, the air intake, the oil tank... a headlight that sticks out in the breeze, for heaven’s sake, not halogens moulded in like an oncoming Ford Fiesta.

I suspect many of us are yearning for a return to our roots. I think that’s why Triumph is doing so well, and why, when it is released the new Honda CB1100 Four homage to the CB750 will be a sell-out.

We want to see the engine, hear it, feel it and smell it. We understand we are going to be alternately cold, hot, wet, wind-blasted and uncomfortable – we don’t want a roof! We definitely don’t want some car designer to separate us from the primal thrill of the motorcycle.
If I could hurl one phrase at the designers who are straying over to the Dark Side it would be this ... show us yer bits!

Terri

Here’s a story from Cycle Canada magazine that I thought you might enjoy.

“When New York-based trauma surgeon Dr. Mark Gestring started noticing that the motorcycle crash victims he was seeing in the E.R. were getting older, he and some colleagues at the University of Rochester Medical Center decided to do a study. They wanted to find out whether or not it was Gestring's imagination that less and less of his patients were stunt riding kids and more and more, baby boomers and seniors, many of whom had been riding powerful machines beyond their capabilities. Gestring's team gathered ten years worth of motorcycle accident related hospital statistics and found that from 1996-2005, the average age of a person injured on a motorcycle increased from 34 to 39. The fastest growing group of all the injured riders in the study was in the 50-59 range. The group in greatest decline, 20-29.

“Peter Jacobs, president of the Motorcyclists Confederation of Canada, claims that he sees a similar pattern here in Canada.

“’It’s a consequence of the baby boom generation,’ said Jacobs in Toronto Star interview. “’People were into riding when they were young, they stepped away when they had their families and now they’ve got a nest egg, so they buy a bike and get back into riding.’

“He doesn’t believe the study’s findings fully apply here though, adding that Canadian motorcyclists tend to generally be safer riders and, unlike the U.S., Canada has universal helmet laws. But he does agree with the study's main finding that aging motorcyclists are at greater risk and therefore need to exercise greater caution.”

Oookay...

Does the word “sanctimonious” come to mind there? But it’s not Cycle Canada that has the real problem here.

To start with, the actual number of older riders is rising faster than the accident rate – and that’s true in the US, in Canada and in Australia. So the raw figures don’t tell the whole story – in fact, older riders are safer. Gestring’s result is – well, I almost used a naughty word. It’s meaningless. It’s like saying that living is more dangerous today than in the Middle Ages because more people die every year. Err... there are a lot more people alive these days.

But let’s not quibble. Let’s do something constructive instead. Here’s my press release.

“When Peter Thoeming noticed in a Sydney Morning Herald cover story that Australia’s hospitals cause 4550 unnecessary deaths a year, he and some colleagues decided to do a study. Unfortunately, so far there has not been any funding forthcoming from the gummint...”
Physician, look to thine own backyard.

And Peter Jacobs, look at the figures before you insult what I presume is your parents’ generation.

Honestly...

Peter “The Bear” Thoeming

Are pointers better than numbers? You tell us!

Gary Van den Driesen from Chewton in Victoria wrote, wondering if he is the only rider left in the world who cannot see anything good in the almost universal adoption of digital speedometers.

“My first experience of this was 20 years ago in a mate's Ford Fairlane; I had trouble then in keeping a constant speed, and nothing seems to have changed in the interim.

“I have been told that digital speedos are more accurate than analogue ones but surely that advantage applies only over ancient mechanically driven speedos, and not the electronic versions that have been around for years?

“Is it not easier to use peripheral vision to maintain a constant speed via the position of a needle, rather than have to focus on ever-changing numerals? Try maintaining a speedo number (in the interest of accuracy remember!) and not much attention remains for traffic.

“I am not a troglodyte. If anything, I am an early adopter of new technology. But I will not buy any vehicle, no matter how good it may be, if it has such a device.

“By the way, if digital speedos are so damn good, why then are almost all tachometers still analogue?

“I have held this view for many years. It was, however, the article on the undoubtedly excellent Kawasaki 1400 GTR (ARR no. 59) that proved to be my personal 'final straw'. The journalist says on page 93 "The instrument panel looks a little dated with the analogue speedo and tacho, where a digital speedo would freshen things up".

“I am afraid it was the "freshen things up" attitude that got to me, and confirmed my opinion that these things are basically just a fashion statement - hopefully one that will run its course before I am too old to ride!”

Well, Gary, I’ve got to admit I like digital speedos – just as I like analogue rev counters. To me it’s easier to see the speed when it’s a number, but better to see where in the rev range I am by seeing it represented on a scale. Best of both worlds, to me. But let’s see what others think!

“I acknowledge that it may be easier to see what speed you are doing when the speed is expressed numerically rather than as - what, analogically?” Gary replied. “But I am not convinced.

“However, I stand by my assertion that it is difficult, even with a low powered vehicle, to maintain a speed number; if you are piloting a high powered vehicle it becomes almost impossible to do so - even cruise controls can't do it consistently.

“As we all know, Victoria has a very low tolerance for error in this respect. I know how accurate the analogue speedos are in my car (100%) and on my bike (95% optimistic) and I pilot them accordingly. So far, no speeding tickets.

“But I suspect that if I regularly rode something like an R1 I would either (a) crash it because of over-attention to the digital speedo or (b) lose my licence because of under-attention to it.

“And yes, I would like to know if other baby-boomers think I am missing the point!”

Gary, I absolutely agree with you about the difficulty of maintaining a steady speed, but I don’t understand how an analogue speedo helps? To me, a number is easier to read accurately than a needle bobbing around on a scale.

“Good point, Peter” replied Gary. “I believe that every operator whose vehicle has an analogue speedo becomes very familiar with what the vehicle is doing purely by the needle's location on the dial (as I said before, this merely needs to be kept in one's peripheral vision). Even when confronted with an unfamiliar vehicle, an initial glance is enough to see where the needle position is going to be for any given speed (eg usually at 10 or 11 o'clock for 100 km/h). The throttle is then used to maintain the needle at that position, rather than reacting to changes in the numerals.

“Look Peter, let me put this another way. Here is a challenge for those of you with digital speedos... Find a decent stretch of country road, say 10 kilometres or so. Now, avoiding cruise control, maintain a steady 100 km/h over that stretch. You are not allowed to drop below 97 or rise above 103.

“I am a competent driver and I cannot pass this test while also watching the road. And I bet nobody else can either...”

So there’s a challenge. What do you think – could you meet Gary’s challenge – and does it matter? After all, you don’t need to stay exactly on a certain speed to avoid being booked…

Peter “The Bear” Thoeming